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A friend of mine reminded me of our blog.

Yes, this journal.

It’s been a long time.  Too long.

As my heart was prompted this morning to come back to it, I was overwhelmed with emotion to trace back the steps we have taken.

I was humbled as I read the words written and the journey that our family has been on.

Despite the many emotions this blog has expressed to you through the past few years, one word comes to mind…

Sweet.

It is such an amazing honor to be able to see God’s hands tangibly direct our family.

Truly, a gift.

God’s goodness has overcome.

His faithfulness has provided.

His love for us, has healed.

Our journey, so tender  -- is heartwarming and sweet.

It’s a beautiful thing to be sitting in this coffee shop and have nothing but a smile on my face regarding where we are.

Ryan, Eli and I are in a great place. 

We have no doubt that God has placed us right here, right now, doing exactly what we are doing.

Was it plan “A”?  Nope.

Not even sure it was plan “B.”

But, it’s still good.  Great, actually.

We are content with life, and living it daily.

Continually striving to be in HIS will.

Leaning into Him for our direction, and trusting Him to guide.

If you would have asked me two years ago, when this journey started, where I’d think we’d be….I would have NEVER guessed this.

BUT….

THIS, is sweet.

It’s great.

It’s right we need to be right now.

It’s right where HE’s put us, and where we will remain until further notice.

I pray that no matter what you are facing, and what decision you and yours are processing through that you will find peace knowing that HE knows the end.  He knows the journey ahead. HE will get you through.  And it too will be sweet.

We are well.

Life is good.

Things are probably better then they have ever been.

Our family is strong.

We have peace.

Open to Him, but content.

Until movement happens, or new revelations surface….

may you and yours be living in the sweet as well.

Hold tight to His hand, HE knows what He is doing.

Go?

So,

I’ve been thinking a lot about the past year and a half.  Ryan and I felt God sending us out May 2010.  We felt He had a purpose. A plan. A reason for all of the hardship and journey we faced.

It’s now January 2012.  The plan is still not apparent. The purpose is still yet to be seen. The journey is quiet.

In my reflections, I think a lot about the what if’s and the what’s next.

I don’t at all think we’ve missed to boat.

But, I just don’t know what to think about all of this…still. 

I miss ministry.

I miss having a home church.

I miss being involved. 

I miss our purpose in ministry.

I miss it all.

Ryan and I have tried on multiple occasions to pursue planting a church, which seems to be the only “open door right now for us.” We’ve had meetings with other people. We’ve sought out wise council. We’ve prayed, planned, chatted, and discussed all of the possible ins and outs. Nevertheless, despite the fire we try to fan – there just isn’t a flame there.  I don’t know that we have a heart for church planting, or a fire to make one happen.  Every time we put effort there, a spark never really ignites.

I feel pretty passionately that’s a sign.  That God is revealing something in us through this.  That perhaps, planting isn’t in the deck right now.  

That’s there’s something else.

While I am not losing hope about that something else,

I am so confused – and almost discouraged. 

Tossed between missing ministry, and trying to stay “involved” – but feeling more and more like an outsider in the world of church. 

In many ways, like we no longer have a place, or a calling.

I know these things not to be true.

But, at times these are the thoughts that ring in my head.

 I find myself thinking about the future.

 What is yet to come. 

What is yet to be discovered. 

Wondering what it will entail.

If ministry is part of it.

I wish there was more to say.  I wish I knew “the plan.”

I wish there was something tangible I could see that was in the works.

There’s not.

I’m recognizing a constant pattern of waiting in this journey.  

Seems like for a year and a half now we’ve been waiting.

It’s hard to be on a journey without movement.

This journey of waiting is so against our grain.

When we stepped out, we prayed that God would take us wherever HE wanted us.  Little did we know then, that we would still be waiting for Him to call our number.

That we would still be waiting for that direction from Him.

I am sure the time will come.

I am sure movement will happen at some point.

But for now, we are in idle.

Waiting.

It’s hard to plan.

It’s hard to predict our next steps.

It’s just hard to just

…..wait.